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[Cheshire Cat]

No-one was more surprised than I to get a call from Seth Hardacre. We had been freshers together at U.M.I.S.T in Manchester, but we weren't close. In fact we were the opposite of close since he lured the love of my life away from me with promises of days out in his swish new motorcar (like most students of my day I couldn't afford a car), entrance to the most dazzling and where-to-be-seen clubs, and acceptance by the posh we-are-going-somewhere set in college. I had been a little disappointed with Lilith in being taken by such lurid and facile attractions, yet I never found it my heart to blame her. I new I was a twisted and sarcastic introvert, something of a party animal, but honestly not much fun. All the miserable, pointless confrontations, week-long strops had meant that her leaving was more a matter of push than of pull.

Love of my life? Looking back over two failed marriages, numerous unsatisfying trysts and ever more numerous nights masturbating on the bed or couch, depending whether or not I was married, it was Lilith's beautiful visage that shone through the darkness. Her face told the story of her kind, generous nature, her gentle, probing and at once sharp intelligence, her warm loving heart - oh my Lilith how did I loose you?

So, it was a sad and lonely middle-aged jerk-off who accepted Seth's invitation for dinner to his mansion on Alderly Edge (neither of us had left the Manchester area). As I drove up the mile -long drive way to chateau Hardacre - my heart begun to beat in anticipation - was Lilith still with him? I listened to the sound of the old mis-timing engine of my car echo off the bushes either side of the track. Despite the grotesque statues lining the route I felt that something good was bound to be afoot.

I stood at the door, savouring the cold, clear January night air, devoid of the condensed traffic fumes of my home borough of Trafford. I felt deep inside me that perhaps this was the beginning of a new Chapter in my life.


2. After a short wait the door was opened by a tall, thin woman. Her regard severe and distant, her manner servile and correct. I stared at a face in a kind of panic. Could this be Lilith twenty years on? The obvious evidence of the narrow oval of this woman's face (Lileth had had a rounder face) and height, she was taller than my six feet and Lilith had only reached my shoulder took its time to correct my foolish wishful thinking. But, even when the geometric facts struck home it only threw me into deeper panic. How could I have possibly thought this might be Lilith? Was I incapable of recognising? Had the face in my minds eye become an ideal distant from reality. Was my idea of Lilith simply an internalised notion with no existance in real life. Without this erstwhile 'real' emobodiment of feminine perfection, I felt bereft, my very being assailed by an existential loneliness.

"Wiseman, Daniel Wiseman," my voice was normal and not that of the completely broken individual I felt, as I moved to give the woman the standard handshake and kiss for a unmet friend's partner. She deftly moved from my reach and reassembled a standard "Mr. Hardacre is expecting you in the beige salon, allow me to take your coat, sir"

A servant, thank god it was a servant. "Mr. Hardacre is alone?"

"If you mean 'is Mr. Hardacre unattached', I should warn that he is not that way inclined"

I was surprised at her impertenance, but help return a half-smile.

"If you would just come this way, sir." She turned with an unexpectedly graceful swish.

We walked through a number of half-lit rooms, all living areas as far as I could tell, each set up around a different hue. Finally, we reached a magnificent wooden panelled door surrounded by bookshelves. I was glad that Seth had spared me the cliche of the door hidden among the library shelves. The servant opened the door on what was less the beige salon than a symphony of beige. I could not believe the variation that was now clearly possible in this hue.

Amidst this riot of tope was my host wearing a camel sweater, moleskin trousers and matching slippers. "Danny Boy!" he gaffawed. I hated that knickname. I got up and grabbed by arm shaking it vigorously. "Er, hello again," I managed. "Very well, Wautraub," Seth bad his servant away.

"Why this warm welcome after so long a time? And, for god sakes we were never close!"

"Close, my boy? Close?" I checked out with satisfaction the ravages of the years on Seth. He bore the weight of an ex Rugby forward with much of the muscle gone to seed and he was almost completely gray, while I had stayed relatively trim with only a touch of gray. "Any friend of Lilith's is a friend of mine, a good friend." He clearly read my look of incredulity. "You see, I know we had our differences, but I loved her, too. I knew that she regretted leaving you, she just assumed you would never have her back."

I almost felt my heart break across yet another fault-line. She regretted leaving me? She assumed I would not take her? So wretched life was wretched for no reason, I could have been happy. This was alltoo much for me. Seth's ruddy, smiling face suddenly became all too hittable as I grabbed his camel sweater by the collar and swung my arm back to hit him. I may be the first to run in most situations but anything to do with Lilith made Seth an easy target even if he were twice my weight and muscle density. "Now tell me if Lileth is here, you oversized arse!"

"Lilith isn't here," enunciated Seth slowly and in a tone which oozed regret. I could tell he missed her too and I slowly let go of my grip. "At least not in any sense that would be meaningful for you or I," he mumbled. I let that go, I was fed up with fun and games. Deep down I had known that Lileth was gone for ever, now was the time to let it go and move on. I strode out of the beige salon and back through the multitude of other-coloured salons. I finally reached the hall-way. I looked around in the half-light shed by the porch-lantern for my coat as I could already feel the biting cold of a November evening in the North-West.

Just as I was about to look for the light, an arm touched my shoulder.


3. I was expecting Seth to implore me to come back. "You are a man with a gaping hole in your heart." But the voice was from someone quite different, a smooth insistant voice demanding to be listened to, demanding to be obeyed. I turned a round.

"Wautraub?" Shaded by the eerie secondary light coming through the windows, it was a magnificent face I was looking into, or rather insisting that I look. More than handsome and beautiful in way one wouldn't normally ascribe to a female. I couldn't understand why I hadn't noticed this before.

"The Master has a way of making everything trivial, but I assure you he understands about your Lileth." I was calmed by her tones. I lost the urgency I had been feeling about finding Lileth again. This urgency had send me in the wrong direction. Trapped in Wautraub's gaze, I became more focussed.

"Wautraub, what do you know about Lileth?"

"Stay. Eat with master and you will know more." Her admonition was more than enough to make me stay, as I began to accept it as a positive and necessary duty.

Wautraub led me to the dining hall. The hall was decorated in a grostequerie of wood and stone in the mock gothic style that made it look more like the nave of a grand Cathedral than a place of repast. Seth was at the head of the table, his dishevelled appearance in stark contrast to the grandeur of the hall.

"My friend you are back!" Seth was disconcertingly overjoyed. "Please believe me I would never joke about the woman we both hold so dear. Now please sit down and eat with me.

For the main course Wautraub served up a Lancashire hotpot to die for. "I'm surprised a foreigner could not only reproduce, but surpass our native cooks in this our 'national' dish!"

"It's more the meat that makes it," mused Seth, his tone strangely distant.

"How do you mean?"

Seth seemed to wake up "Oh it's sourced locally from only Lancastrian farmers"

What did he mean by this? I decided to leave it. I wanted to know more about Lileth

"I thought you guys were an item"

"We never really were. She was always thinking of you, then she met an American millionaire which obvious meant more to her than a Lancastrian millionaire," Seth waved his hand as if referring to his family seat,"I guess she went to her in California as a means of forgetting"

"What did you mean by 'at least in no form useful to you or I'?"

"You'll see later, let's eat."

After we'd gone through the hotput, a lemon sorbet and the cheese, Wautraub brought in another platter, brightest silver with a keep-warm lid. Wautraub placed the covered platter between Seth and I and left. To my horror I could sense scuttling around inside and, I fancied, animal screaching. Seth grinned a most unhealthy grin as he lifted up the lid a centimetre or two. What I saw next stunned me to the core. Two perfect tiny human hands were trying to lever often the lit a little further.

I took the lid from Seth's and lifted the lid...


4. I couldn't remember when I started to feel faint, but I had been feelin hot under the collar for some time, only what I had not seen on the platter, only I was sure I hadn't seen it. My mind began to erase what I couldn't have seen and in doing so I began to feel even more queezy and I could hear my heartbeat thunder around my carotid artery. Seth grabbed the cover back and replaced it and Wautraub practically caught me from falling backwards. "Perhaps Mr. Wiseman would like to freshen up." It was if as if she had utilised the momentum of my fall to propel me towards a door in what looked like an organ chamber. Instead of organ pipes, there was a passage way. Wautraub held the door open, I had to bend my head to get it. "You'll find all you need at the end of the corridor" I liked her voice, which although foreign had something very familiar about it. As I made my way through I cooled down and I was able to reflect on the hallucination, I realised that it was the stress of meeting Seth and again and reliving delicate episodes from the past. Seeing the very small, perfectly formed human female was one thing, seeing it had Lileth's face was quite another. This proved that it was all about Lileth and that it was time for me to let go, lest I loose my sanity.

When I reached the bathroom, I realised that I hadn't relieved myself, since I had got here and I had drunk a considerable amount of wine. As my pee eased of, I began to hear moaning. It seemed to be from very many individuals. I even fancied I could make out 'help me!'. Then I realised it was the antiquated pipes. 'All these things,' I said to myself as I washed my hands 'are sent to warn me to take myself in hand. I'm clearly on the verge of a breakdown, but as long as I acknowledge this to myself I'll be fine" I dried my hands and exited the bathroom feeling quite renew, enjoying that relaxed feeling accorded when the effects of too much alcohol passes its peak.

"Are you alright, old boy?" It was Seth's voice that greeted my return. He was helping himself to some chocolate pudding. I was glad to see it was placed on a platter exactly the same as the one I had the hallucination with. "Help yourself to some chocky pudding"

I sat down next to him."No,no, I'm not feeling too good, I'd better make my way home"

"Nonsense, old chap," Seth predictably interloculated,"you must stay here the night"

"You cannot go." It was Wautraub again "You have drunk far, far too much."

"No, really I can make it"

"You will not make it. You will die"

I looked round into her face. As I look into it it seemed to transform. It was Lileth again softly admonishing me to stay. I blinked and Wautraub's features were restored. 'Keep it together,' I whispered to myself. "Of course," I looked at both powerful presences. A slippery and dangerous journey on black ice was all I needed right now, I reasoned with myself. "Thank you."

Seth beamed his usual cat that got the canary smile and enjoined Wautraub to bring us Brandy to the Smoking room.

Seth and I chatted, drank and smoked on for another two hours before Wautraub came to show me to my room. As we climb the central staircase I ask Wautraub about her background. She skillfully fends off the questions leaving me none the wiser but oddly satisfied with her relies. At the top of the stairs opens the latch on a set of stell armoured door. "What's this for?" "Oh, just the security door for when we host conferences, we like to look after our guests" Again, I accepted her answer like a lamb and taken to a comfortable looking room.

I slipped off my clothes, got into the pyjammas provided and went through my ablutions in a semi-drunken haze and slipped into the crisp white sheets. I was happy, I though to myself, I'm in for a long comfortable night's sleep. The next moment, I was awake and depressed, my heart beating with the memory of some awful dream I could bearly remember except for bodies being taken apart and various parts spliced to others. Also monsters were being bred. The fact the light was still on even seemed to make it worse. Worse until I heard a scrabbling behind the door, something that sounded like rats and then I was glad not to be in the dark. The scrabbling continued until suddenly door facing me was open. I was in fight or flight mode and traced a fast moving creature moving across the room leaving a shadow something like a small wolf or lemur. My heart was now in mouth as could feel something climbing up the bed.

5. What emerged, however, was not a wolf or a lemur. First, two little hands gripping onto the bed spread. She is in shadow but I can see a darling little face with two sparkling eyes as they haul a perfect female form of around 18 inches tall on the bed. She then begins to walk towards me and then clambers onto my torso still paralysed with shock. This was it, either I had gone mad or I really was looking at a miniature Lilith. The biggest surprise, however, was that she appeared no older than the day we parted. She then climbed up my chest and lent on my chin and looked inquisitively into my eyes.

"L-lilith?" I stammered

Lileth giggled. "You say my name in funny way"

"Because I stammered?"

"Because my name is Lilly, not Lilith. How do you know my name?"

"A long time ago we were once close, don't you remember me?"

Lileth screwed up her face in concentration. "You are Danny?"

I now knew this was Lilith. "Yes, I'm Danny, what do you remember about me?"

"You and I studied together, had happy times together"

I then remember that she came in like an animal. I examined her legs from the hip bone pressing to feel for the bones.

"Ooooh" said Lileth "Don't do that, I feel in your power. The power of your smell"

Some base instinct made me do it again. This time she allow herself to fall backwards onto my chest. Now writhing and moaning, her little legs we left open I could see her tiny vagina moisten. Wryly, I reflected that this was most unlilithlike. For whatever reason I had loved Lilith and had susequently obsessed about her, it wasn't the sex. We had been fine together with wonderful heavy petting. I had often felt moisture through Lilith's knickers or jeans, but once we were naked or, more likely semi-naked Lilith went tense. The foreplay required was beyond my skill and after often a good hour of licking massaging caressing I could still barely get my little finger in. If by some miracle I succeeded, Lilith tensed up, her teeth were clamped shut. Sex was obviously something terrifying and painful for Lileth. Sadly, I wasn't very good at talking at that time. Perhaps I could have help her more, but maybe this was the reason why I let her go so easily.

"Mr. Danny, what's the matter" Lileth go and cuddled my chin. I hadn't noticed that I had begun crying.


6. "Oh, don't mind me," I sniffed. Her innocent question made me laugh a little. I didn't anticipate that the vibration could make the graceful animal whose shadow I'd seen when she had first entered the room lose her balance. 'Lilly fell down onto my pillow. I ot up one arm to look at her, mainly to see if was alright, but I soon bacame transfixed by the beauty that had grown dull in my memory. I passed my finger along the top of her legs, over her rump following the hollow round to the small of her back.

"Aahh, Mr. Danny you have too much power from your smell, I will have to go"

"Wait! " Lileth or Lilly had already turned round and was walking over to the other side of the bed. "Will we talk again?"

"We will talk again." She turned for a second giving me a half smile before disappearing over the ledge.

All I saw next was the same lemur-cum-jackel shadows skip across the wall, then wardrobe and then apparently causing the door to swing open and bounce back shut of the hinges.


7. Feeling an ecstasy of conflicting emotions, I curled up into my duvet. It was as if I were kid after his first kiss. Having got so much I had wanted, I am still left pining for more for things I had never dreamt of, but what the kiss had shown me could exist. I replayed it my mind's eye, Lileth's beautiful body in front of me, encompassed by me, over-powered by my scent. Again Iwas conflicted. I wanted her badly, but was glad she could resist whatever psycho-biological force was driving her towards sexually enslaving herself.

There were so many questions I could have asked, both as a former girlfriend and as strange mercurial half-beast. I comforted mself with having been in the moment and Lileth said that we would talk again. There would surely be an opportunity to find out more.

By daybreak I had talked myself out of the optimism of the early hours. If 'Lilly' existed she was some sort of animal, not Lileth. If there was a connection as there seemed last night then it was unholy and unnatural. Who would not regard a liaison between a middle-aged man and an 18 inch woman-beast biologically still in her late teens as somehow perverted? I plunged into further depressive possibilities like being charged for bestiality or even perverse relations with...with what? What was 'Lilly'? What reference point was there for her existence? All I knew is that I wanted her, wanted to be with her again.

By the time Wautraub's breakfast knock came, I had completely knotted myself into a damp heap.

I came down to Wautraub directing me to the Music room where Seth was waiting for. "Dear boy you do look a fright. 'Not sleep well, old chap?"

"I guess it was the amonut of food I ate, not to say it wasn't the best of fair, wonderfull prepared." I looked round to see if Wautraub were present in some way. She was not.

"I understand perfectly, old boy. No blame to the cook, just you're excess."

"Could you tell me about Lilly?" The clarity of mind sometimes afforded by being deprived of sleep led me straight to the point.

First, Seth seemed non-plussed. Then his head dropped in a most unseth-like way. "I thought you accepted my invitation to talk about Lileth, your love and mine and now you insult her by talking of Lilly?"

"Do you know where Lilly is?"

Seth's eyebrows knitted quizzically, then his face composed and a knowing twinkle flashed across his eyes. "Of course I know where Lilly is. You know I am a biologist and run a research establishment here?"

"I knew you studied Environmental Science at uni, but I'm sorry I haven't followed your career."

"That's alright," Seth was himself again "what did you want with dear old Lilly?"

"She came to my room last night."

"Did she, now," guffawed Seth. Still laughing he got up and took my arm. "This way, dear boy". This time we took the passage under the stairs which led itself to a fight of stone stairs leading downwards towards a brightly lit corridor with concete. Through a window on one side one could see Seth's laboratory. We then entered through a door into the menagerie. I got quite excited as we went past cage after cage with numerous beasts, that we were going to find the bilogical basis for Lilly and Lilith's seeing presence her. By the time we got to the end of the lines of cages, it became apparent that Lilly was not in this room. We now entered a small office. Arranged untidily were numerous files, loose papers and a filing cabinet with not single drawer closed. On top of the cabinet was a fan, behind the fan was a stuffed animal. Seth took it by its nose and gave it to me. "Here you are old boy, she's all yours," said Seth with a wink and laughing. "She was quite a little fixture around here. Charmed us all, rotten. She seemed almost human at times, many times. We were all devestated when she slipped and broken her leg. Went septic. Nasty business. We were all devastated at the time, but, well, she was only an animal. I think all of us are over it now. You can take her!"

The stuffed creature in my hands was like a cross between a lemur and a jackal and about eighteen inches tall.

8. Six months down the line I was surprised how cathartic the disquieting events at Hardacre Towers had been Of course I hadn't seen an eighteen inch replica of Lilith who emerged from a little lemur like creature called Lilly. I wasn't immune from occasional psychotic episodes and my experiences were obviously a result of my mind processing all the grief, guilt and regret I felt over Lilith. Well what ever it was it had set me up to one of the best six months I can remember. I had been 'promoted' to writing the 'Bamforth' column on the Trafford Guardian where I worked as a journalist - despite my professional failing in not further investigating the dubious activities of Hardacre Holdings while I was on the inside, although no-one was going to know about that. Best of all I had struck up a friendship with Petula Mason, the cookery editor. Although I knew my around my Kitchen it has been part of out courtship that I was the poor, helpless male in need of 'organisation'. I'd been a willing student in Pet's kitchen, helping her prepare delicious meals. Now, 3 months after we started dating she had adjudged that it was my turn to put what I had learnt into practice.

By coincidence I decided I would try my hand at Lancashire Hotpot, mainly because I could deal with most of the preparation in the morning. My local butcher was one of the few to handle mutton and, luckily teh fishmonger had reasonably priced oysters so that I could impress Pet with my knowledge of Lancashire history.

The doorbell rang, I opened the the door and there was Pet, bottle of wine in hand standing on my doorstep. I took a step back at the same time taken a bottle from her hand and placed it deftly on a little stand by the door. Our lips were already glued together as our embrace became deep. Everything about me became airey and evapourated except where I was touching and a fizzing feeling around my groin. Our lips entered a deep embrace as I felt deep into her body only to find she was still very her very smart Rayment overcoat. I altered my move as if I had always intended to slip off her coat, realeased it from her arms and swept it round onto the coat hanger. Here was the prized before me, her satin dress and silk scarf were no match for me given that I'd nearly had her in her raincoat, but I held my fire. "Look at you," I said in a slightly baby'ish tone. Pet blushed with delight, she knew her hair, her make-up, cloths down to her black strap-on shoes were a delight.

I led Pet by the hand to the Kitchen diner. She sniffed. "Not bad! Not bad at all" of course she recognised what I was cooking.

"Pet, would you do me a favour, I need to freshen up a little. All this cooking, you know. You know.."

Pet winked.

As I undid my shirt and began to flannel my face, I could have sworn I saw a shadow flash across the opposite wall. I turned round, sure it was a strick of the light in the mirror. Then in the bottom left I saw something which chilled me to the bone.

I saw a tiny prosimian face with a nose like a tiny jackal. My heart thumping, I slowly turned around. What I saw was a towel scrunched up on the heated rail casting on a shadow on some lavatory paper half escaped from its plastic wrapping. It didn't look like a lemur but I could see that it had been enough to scare me.

I breathed deeply my relief and tried to persuade my heart to slow down, when there was a crash, breaking crockery and a prolonged scream. I ran into the kitchen. All I found was broken crockery, including the main dish, oven open and all broken and squirming on the floor. Pet was gone.

The door was still open as was the one to the street. I spotted Pet's car and ran to it with all my puff.

"Pet!" I shouted as I reached the car. "Don't go! What happened?" I grabbed the passenger and got in taking the keys from their slot and from the feminine hands holding them. "Give me back those keys!" She screached.

"What happened?"

Pet was silent. I then noticed that she'd forgotten her coat and had bare shoulders, arms and decolletage. Luckily, I had put on my Jacket before leaving the bathroom and was able to put it around her with my arm discretely above. Her silence was broken by a few sobs and then by a full flush of crying tears. I tried to cuddle her but was met by "Don't you touch me!" I stuck at it though using my most calming and sympathic voice to get through to her.

"What happened?"

"You're going to thing I' silly and neurotic, but something got into my hair and started ripping out my extensions." I had noticed that she was in a state.

I eventually calmed her down and persuaded her to let me drive her home. The buses were good from her district so we took her car.

I walked her to the door of her house. "I'm sorry I've been such a silly girl"

"Think nothing of it" I took her in my arms and gave her a long, deep kiss.

"Won't you come in?"

"Can't be far off the last bus, bye"

"Will you call me again"

"Of course I will!" I was already down the drive way.

"Anyway, we'll be at work together, Monday!" I had made my getaway and was steaming towards the bus stop, I was determined to find out what had gone on.

When I reached my home, the door was still swinging on its hinge.

I sat cross-legged in the middle of the Kitchen among the shattered remains of the meal. I must have been there three hours, as my watch said 1 am when I realised that I really needed to get myself togther when I heard the faintest voice say slowly "Mis-ter Dan-ny!" This was repeated several times, but then suddenly normally which nearly launched me off the floor.

I turned round and could see nothing.

"Mister Danny"

I turned back round "Lilith?"

[smb]

Nice one! I really enjoyed reading that!

[Artextreme]

Yes, it was interesting